My Body.

I used to treat my body like a temple. 

When I made my emotional and physical health a priority. 

It was important to me. 

It was important to my well being. 

It was one of my values. 

But I have allowed myself to forget this. 

I have allowed myself to numb out, and to ignore what my body has been in need of. 

Sure, I kept a string going strong for a while of not missing a day of working out. 

But I wasn’t consuming the fuel needed to maintain that. 

I also wasn’t getting the sleep my body truly needed. 

I kept ignoring what she was trying to tell me and would push her to her max. 

I was breaking her. 

Burning her out. 

But it was the only thing I could control in a world that felt uncontrollable. 

I wanted to be strong. Both mentally and physically, but I was breaking myself instead. 

I didn’t know it then, but I had been doing this for a while now. Pushing myself to the max. 

When you push too hard, you crash. 

And crash is what I did. 

I told myself to “have grace,” but to a fault. I allowed myself to sit in this “healing place” for too long. I allowed myself to become the emotions and the feelings. 

I thought I was helping, but I ended up hurting myself more. 

Today I find myself in a place where I no longer feel comfortable in my own skin. Where my smile is an accessory I often forget to put on. 

My clothes are too tight and my head is a mess. Both feeding into the other. 

If you know me, you know that I am not a person that believes in a number on a scale or on your clothes. I believe that a happy and healthy person is someone that feels comfortable in their own skin, and in their own mind. 

I want to get back there. To the place where I make my health a priority again. That I give myself the space I need to strengthen my overall wellbeing. That I no longer take for granted the opportunities to have grace. Or the moments when healing is truly needed. 

Please hear me on this. It is absolutely okay to give yourself grace. It is imperative to give yourself the opportunity to heal. But what I was doing was using them as an excuse. What I was doing was allowing myself to become all of the emotions and feelings, and numbing out because of them. It took an absolute toll on my body. It took a toll on my mental health. 

I have been so unkind to my body. I have treated her like a punching bag instead of the temple I know her to be. 

I am forever grateful for the opportunity I have had to take a minute to ground myself and to breathe. It is important that I have done this because….. 

I want to feel like me again. 

I want to be comfortable in who I am. 

I want to once again feel physically strong. 

I want to once again feel emotionally stable. 

I have learned through all of this that nothing on the outside actually holds any power over us.  We get to decide how we show up in this life. We do. And when we finally realize this, it is at that moment that we can take ownership over our lives and do something about it. 

I have faith that I can get back there. To the place where I feel comfortable in my own skin. I have this faith because I have found my willpower to do something about it. I will not settle, because I know I can do better. 

“Treat your body like it belongs to someone you love.” - unknown 

Looking for your Tribe? Join us over at Facebook by clicking here.

Want to be the first to know when a new blog post goes live? Sign up by clicking here.