What if We’re Not Broken?

For most of my life I have told myself the narrative that I was broken. I believed that my identity was wrapped up in the things that happened to me. That those things, both good or bad, defined who I was as a person. 

It wasn’t until last year that I realized I could create a different narrative. And you know what? You can too. 

The narrative we need to change? That we are not broken, broken things have happened to us. 

Let that sink in for a minute. Repeat it to yourself. We are not broken, broken things have happened to us. 

Let’s dig in. 

Bad things happen to good people. It’s the unfortunate truth for far too many of us.  And as long as we continue to choose to hold onto those things, we will never be free of them. 

So how do we free ourselves? We do the work to break our identities away from these events. We realize that these things that have happened to us do not actually define us.

The hardships, the struggles, the mistakes, the shame, these are things that caused us pain. These are things we have experienced. These are things that we have pushed down inside of ourselves, but at the same time allowed for them to become who we thought we were. We defined ourselves by these things, and by doing this, we allowed others to start to believe it was who we were as well. We created that reality. 

What I realized is that who I am, deep down in the center of my being is someone totally different. My soul, my identity, the energy and spirit within me, she is unbelievably strong. She is brave, courageous, resilient, kind and full of compassion. Who I am at the center of my being is unique and perfectly created just for me. That person, she is not actually breakable. 

So those broken things that we find ourselves reflecting on way too often, are things that we can learn to heal from, and wash away, one by one. 

Visualize this with me for a minute. 

There you stand, confident and secure in who you are. Then these events take place. Each creating what feels like a layer of mud, covering your delicate skin. Hardening in the sunshine, becoming what you think is armor. You want to believe that by holding it, it will protect you from things ever hurting you again. So all these things, the little things, the big things, everything that ever hurt you, they pile on. They build the armor of mud that you have told yourself that you need in order to no longer feel the pain. 
But instead, that armor is doing the exact opposite. It is holding it all within, when really, what we need to do is let it all go. What we realize is that we are actually burying the root problem further down inside. We are making the choice to avoid and hide these things, as if they will magically disappear. 

But will they? Have they yet? 

Mine haven’t. 

So what if instead we decide to free ourselves of all of it. What if we decide to find our true selves, buried below all of these layers? 
I think it’s possible. I know it will be hard work, but I also believe it will be worth it. 

Now picture this. 

What if we stood outside, arms opened wide, free, ready to receive, ready to let go. What if it started to rain? That rain was a representation of us doing the work.  Healing from our past. Layer by layer it all started to wash away.

In order to truly free ourselves, we must acknowledge these things. We must feel them, grieve them, allow them to pass through us. The key and most important part is to allow ourselves to feel it, but to not become those feelings. 

For my entire life I have believed that I was broken. I have allowed my story to include a narrative where I played victim for far too long. Because of this I have suffered with insecurities and lack of confidence. 

I by no means want to erase my past. I am actually grateful for the previous versions of myself. It is she who got me to where I am today. And this version of myself, that person I am today, I like her. I like her a lot. 

Today I make the decision to start the process to let these things go. They are no longer serving me. They are no longer who I am. I am not broken, broken things have simply just happened to me. I am whole. I am brave. I am enough. 

And you are too.